i used to think

i used to think that life
was about getting what i wanted

i used to feel
that others
from parents to friends
from clients to lovers
needed to show their love
by helping me

i asked
i demanded
and it was never enough
a part of me still needed more

i used to believe
that god
was like a genie in the bottle
if i prayed
if i wished
if i played good
i would get what i wanted

i begged
i negotiated
i compromised
and despised god
for not hearing me

and so life played out
i demanded more and more
from it and others
i judged and hated
when what i thought i wanted
wasn't given to me

my brain was hardwired
to expect the impossible
so all i ever saw
was what was lacking 

on this spiritual journey
on this path of awakening
i’ve come home to the truth
and found a deep inner knowing
and a peaceful inner space

i’ve recognised that
all i ever need is here
right here, right now
I AM complete
I AM whole
I AM free

i always have been
and always ever were
a part of me simply chose
to experience incompleteness
and dive into lack
so i could awaken once more
to the gold that lies within

this is the essence
of the path
some call ‘healing’
a simple remembering
yet a profound inner knowing
of one’s true self
as love
as light
as life itself

photo: Maria van den Dool

with love,
ed xx