Guest Blog: How To Build Lasting Loving Relationships - by Tony Selimi
From this month onwards, I'll be asking one of the many people who have influenced my life and my work to write a guest blog about a specific theme. We're starting with my soul brother Tony Selimi, Life Coach & Healer and Author of the upcoming book "A Path To Wisdom", telling us a bit more about the one thing on everyone's lips at the minute: LOVE.
Through my personal journey as well as through helping thousands of people heal their wounded child, I found that the key to building lasting loving relationships is not to search for love outside of ourselves, but to go deep within and own every disowned part of us.
Having helped over thousands of people to safely go through this journey, the biggest relationship problems people bring to me in my coaching or healing sessions are the fear of rejection, loneliness, blame, lack of trust, lack of sexual fulfilment, and conflicts about money.
We are light beings; we are made of love and therefore like it or not this love cannot be held in an inner prison, it needs to flow in and out of you.
Since being made redundant in 2009 I dedicated my life to helping people heal the wounds that prevent them to remain in the state of flow so that they can experience more love in their lives, and it is wonderful to be in a position to serve others to help them raise their vibrational state so that they can tap into this love when they form relationships with others.
The reason this is important is that from the moment you start a relationship with another human being you are not seeking to be loved, controlled or validated. You are simply entering a co-loving relationship that is nurturing, loving and sharing.
Most of us learned that Love is all about flirting, hugs, kisses, sex, being treated to nice meals, surprises etc. It is the reason why most couples divorce, as not many of us were educated to understand the deeper meaning of love and how to be in a loving relationship.
Unconditional love is all about taking all of what love represents to you away and still having tremendous love and feeling for that person.
There are many books written on the subject of saving a relationship or learning to develop a lasting one but how much do we understand about the process in which one develops? Or how our own attributes may sabotage our ability to maintain one?
In my forthcoming book “A path to Wisdom: How to live a Healthy, Balanced and Peaceful Life” I have developed a unique TJS Evolutionary method on how love develops from within and then with its infinite wisdom it opens the space in which you attract your evolutionary duo with whom you can grow, share and embrace fully love.
To get to this space, this method is based upon the concept of different ways that love relationships can develop.
The different types of love
In my model an octagon represents five different types of love. Each of these types of love is developed from five factors which are represented on each point of the scale of the triangle. At the top point of the octagon the first of these factors is Acceptance, the next point is Learning, then Intimacy, then Passion and the last point of the octagon represents Commitment.
The basic concept is that between each of these points there will exist a different type of love. If the relationship only exists off of passion it is an infatuated love, intimacy alone a mere liking, or commitment alone is representative of an empty love. However, when Acceptance, Learning, Intimacy, Passion, and Commitment are combined in different ways they result in yet other types of love.
For instance, if a relationship is based off of passion and intimacy it results in a romantic love. If the relationship, however, lacks intimacy and say only has commitment it is a fatuous love.
When the relationship has only intimacy and commitment it is a compassionate love. This type of love would be representative of most close friendships.
In the center of the triangle there exists a type of love that combines passion, intimacy and commitment, this love is known as consummate love.
The idea behind attaining a consummate love is that as a relationship starts out passionately, it will then taper off and develop into a relationship that contains more sharing of each others lives, and more caring towards one another.
From this intimacy, closeness is introduced into the relationship as well. As this is happening, a previous short-term commitment for the relationship will slowly develop into a long-term relationship.
Commitment shows that each individual's self includes more and more of their partner as well. This will develop into a change from 'I' to 'we' or 'us'. Once all of these elements are introduced, and maintained in the relationship it could be considered a consummate love. This consummate love is based off of a healthy love romantic relationship, and also from the basis of a stable and secure development of a relationship.
5 steps to building solid love foundations
Step 1: Make a list and identify what are you not accepting in yourself and in your relationship-
Step 2: Acknowledge the feelings that are associated with what you have identified in step 1
Step 3: Each day challenge yourself to do love in a different way, be intimate in a new way, be passionate.
Step 4: Learn something new about love and what love is to you and your partners
Step 5: Commit to love, when you are committed to yourself you value the commitment in others, they will acknowledge it and it will help with intimacy, love making, trust building. It will help you build love foundations that are solid.
Remember, Love is there to freely flow in and out of you.
If you want to learn more about how to build strong lasting relationship with self, your loved ones and gain deeper understanding of what Love is all about you may want to send your details to firstname.lastname@example.org to be kept informed of the release date of my forthcoming book "A Path to Wisdom" that is expected to hit the shelves, kindle, iTunes and Amazon in Spring 2014 as it might be just the solution you have been looking for.
You can also book a two hour Love2Love Coaching Consultation and learn what stops you from experiencing unconditional Love and what you can do about it.
Helping you become healthy, wealthy and wise. To your joy, success and happiness,
Tony J Selimi
Elite Life Coach, Reiki Master Healer, Author and Teacher of Inner Wisdom.